Coming Soon: Parody movie review: I review the three most recent parody movies and tell you shit that you probably already know.
Death Magnetic was released a few weeks ago to such critical acclaim as, "It's not as bad as St. Anger", "Theproduction sucks", and "The album cover looks like an asshole". While the album isn't all that bad, there are several things that are wrong with it. Thething that pisses me off the most about this album is it's shittyproduction. It boggles my mind how a band as big as Metallica can'tseem to get a good production these days. The mainproblem with the production is the fact that a large portion of thealbum is in the red. Meaning that the guy who did the masteringprocess turned the volume up way too high which resulted in a distortedsound that is present on the retail version. How a professional could fuck up this basic recording method isbeyond me. What's also beyond me is how people are defending the production by saying it's raw. Kill 'em All was raw, this is bullshit. Also, the snare drum sound is still abysmal, like Lars' drumming skills. Download the Guitar Hero 3 version if you want to hear the album with a decent production because the retail version is embarrassing.
Another thing that kind of brings down the album is James Hetfield's vocals, both lyrically and performance wise. After watching a great performance of "...And Justice For All" about six months ago, I was like, "Good, James sounds like the old James. Now maybe the vocals will have a chance of not sucking on the next album." WRONG! It's everything bad you'd expect from James Hetfield these days which shouldn't be surprising in the least. As for the lyrics, well, lets just say that James would be better off hiring a ghost writer for the next album instead of writing corny ass lines plagued with cliches and common sayings. Wait, he's been writing lyrics like that since the Black Album. You will literally laugh at some of the stupid lines that come out of your speaker.
Now I'm going to criticize the worstsong on the album, "The Day That Never Comes", because itsucks baaaaaad. The song starts out some-what promising with a veryun-Metallica like intro but soon after that the song turns into ahorrible Load left over, complete with James Hetfield's country-esque mediocrity. The song doesn't improve much from there with a lameseries of pasted together riffs near the end of the song that don't really make that muchsense in combination with each other. It was kind of a dumb move on their part torelease this song as the first single when everything else on the album is animprovement when compared to it.
In conclusion, if you expectMetallica to release anything better than this in the remainder oftheir careers, your being overly optimistic, this is likely the bestyou'll get.
In the town of Smithers, there is a bylaw which states that a business located on main street is required to have an alpine theme applied to their building. Who the hell thought this was a good idea? The people who made this happen shouldn't even be allowed to make decisions anymore. How these people even got in their positions is beyond me. The problem? Well, it's fake as hell. Does the town of Smithers think they're some lost part of Switzerland or Holland? Did they do this so some stupid tourist could say, "Oh, how wonderful. It's like being in a part of Switzerland". To further fuel this delusion, the official symbol of Smithers is an alphorn player which represents nothing in relation to the towns history. It makes about as much sense as the inukshuk being used as the symbol of the Vancouver Olympic games. If the symbol isn't native to the area it makes little sense to use it. With dumb decision making like this, don't be surprised if the town committee decides to rename Smithers, Smitzerland.
